You know, I love the way my fellow christians display uplifting christian messages on bumper stickers, on theme sweaters, and on coffee cups and so on...i've got a few favorites of my own I'd like to share...read on and be inspired

If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads

Levitcus 20:13

Positively makes me gush.......sigh

Peace

Last edited: Sunday, April 18, 2004 at 10:02:57 AM

Oh this is even better....

Num.31:14, 17, 18: "And Moses was wroth...And Moses said unto them, "Have ye saved all the women alive?... Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman,... But all the women children... Keep alive for yourselves.

Go with god....and watchout man-children

Good lord!

When ever im depressed, I think of the last words of jesus to cheer me up:

Matt.27:46,50: "And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, "Eli, eli, lama sabachthani?" that is to say, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"...Jesus, when he cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost."

Luke23:46: "And when Jesus had cried with a loud voice, he said, "Father, unto thy hands I commend my spirit:" and having said thus, he gave up the ghost."

John19:30: "When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, "It is finished:" and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost."

Wait...i'm confused....er....what did he say befor he gave up the ghost again?

Well at least he is a good, merciful fella:

"The Lord is very pitiful and of tender mercy." (James 5:11)

"For his mercy endureth forever." (1 Chron. 16:34)

"The Lord is good to all, and his tender mercies are over all his works." (Ps. 145:9)

"God is love." (1 John 4:1

But wait a minute...what is dis all about?

"I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy." (Jer. 13:14) "Now go and smite Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and spare them not, but slay both man and woman, infant and suckling."

6)

Oh well, im sure it must make sense somehow....peace and love all!!!!

Now remember this always:

PRO 26:4 Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.

PRO 26:5 Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit.

...uh....well....aw hell just do whatever you want I guess......

I love u all so much I wanted to share this christian sentiment with u all:

Behold, I will corrupt your seed and spread dung upon your faces

Malachi 2:3

Peace and love all

Now lets turn to Psalms:

137:8 O daughter Babylon, soon to be devastated!10

How happy will be the one who repays you

For what you dished out to us!11

137:9 How happy will be the one who grabs your babies

And smashes them on a rock!12

Aw...it brings me into a state of blissful peace and harmony...truly wonderful...im gushing again

Someone has either completely snapped or has has WAY too much of some kind of mind altering nonsense. This post is crap and does not belong here, someone please get rid of it.

Funny thing is, that's how all religion comes across to me. %)

Last edited: Sunday, April 18, 2004 at 10:18:26 AM

Help someone is trying to censor me! Help aclu! Someone is attacking my freedom to worship

Stinky the persecuted

On second thought....that stuff is pretty vile....maybe we really should ban the bible.....hmmmmmm...doesn't seem safe for our children....all full of socerery, murder, scheming, revenge, buggery, wars, fratricide, parentcide, sistercide...kinda creepy

Caption competition:

I'll start; "God invents a huge Christmas pudding".

Banshee, I disagree that this is innappropriate. This is perfectly appropriate given the multitude of pro-religious arguments I have seen here lately.

Stinky, this is awesomely funny.

Gnomie Competition caption...

"Ok Shareholders, this mockup gives you a good idea of what the completed project will be...."

Or

"I have had it with the middle-east crap, I'm gonna bitch slap them off the face of the earth...."

Or

God to the people of Earth: "You should have seen that fish, it was THIS big!"

Damn, where's that inflation hole?

Hehehe TG - or maybe "You should see the size of the dinosaur I just buried!"

God: Son, how many times have I told you not to play with that thing?

Jesus: Don't worry Dad, I'll be careful. Oops, I dropped it!

Or along that same line, a little singa-long.

He's got the whole world in his hands, He's got the whole world in his hands, He's got the... Whoops.

Last edited: Sunday, April 18, 2004 at 1:42:43 PM

Didn't mean to be a "sour puss". Was just a little put-off by the content (obviously). After looking around a bit I see that this has been a widely discussed topic, don't come around enough. No offense was intended, and some of the stuff was actually pretty funny regardless of personal belief. Will keep it more up-beat and open minded if I am around in the future.

Hiya Banshee,

There is an ongoing debate about the use of this forum, seems like mostly this is just a general chat area where no topic is left undisturbed. You weren't being closed minded, just didn't have the right perspective is all. Not a problem and thanks a bunch for the reply.

YOU PEOPLE ARE STRANGE :)

Well banshee, it is typical with anyone who wants to prove that the bible contradicts itself when they take verses out of context without explination. Kind of like waving a peice of paper in front of someone saying it contains the unified theory without anyone else looking at it.

But I'll bite..

The gospels are taken from the veiwpoint of the authors and what they were able to glean from witnesses, and who they were writing it for. That is why some parts are left out, and sometimes things seem to be missing or out of order. That is why when you take an event during jesus life you have to refer to the harmony of the 4 gospels, instead of each sepratly. Oneo fthe more popular events during jesus ministery that is where this quote is from (john 8:7b) ""If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." only appears in John, and actaully is only found in a few manuscripts. But it did happen even tho it is not seen in the other bibles.

Jesus said, according to the Gospels, before he gave up his spirit (your using the King james versions whcih isn't very good for the current english language, NIV is spirit), "It is finished", or another good tranlation would say "It is accoplished" kind of hard ot get the best translation fof the word in greek to english

WOw, you chopped Numbers 31:15-18 to bits that it doesn't even follow the corect context. At this point the Herbrews had just attacked the Midinites, the soldiers killed al lthe "soldiers" or men, and kept all the women, and children. But accorinding to the Law, they could only keep the children and Virgins, and not other wives because thier life was full of sin and would lead the Hebrews away from God. As per Num 31:17 "They (Midinites) were the ones who followed Balaam's advice and were the means of turning the Israelites away from the LORD in what happened at Peor, so that a plague struck the LORD's people."

Yes GOd is love, but also there is punishment for unrepentant sin. Because in Jeremiah the Jews were not following God, and The LORD was threatneing to punish them for sinning against him. This is BASIC law and gospel that any confirmation student can understand. If you read further in Jeremiah (after all the fire and brimstone) that the LORD shows them thru the prophet jeremiah a way to repent and seek forgivness. Which shows his true love to us all, he shows us our sin, then creates a way for us to be forgiven.

Here is a better translation of proverbs 26:4-5

Basically, if you answer a fool, like the fool, you wil be a fool. BUT you do need ot answer him, or the fool will think himself wise. Stinkfingers, I think you might want to re-read more of that ;) It is better to remain a fool, then to open ones mouth and remove all doubt

I wont go into detail, becasue what you quoted in Malachi is similar to what you quoted in jeremiah. Out of context, and ignores the later quotes of Gods love and asking for his people to seek forgivness that will be given to them

Glad to help.

As for GNomies caption contest

Well said Van. You even cleared some of that up for me.

And you've got my vote for the caption competition.

Caption competition entries:

"Hey Dad, look. It bounces."

"Listen people: I can't really hear all of you. Just do to others like you want them to do to you. OK?"

"Look how well my hands have healed."

I haven't been around here all that often, I wish I would've read through some of the other threads before deciding to post. I simply came to look for a piece of information and stumbled onto this thread, which prompted my response. I did not understand what such a controversial topic was doing here, but now I know. When I said some of the other stuff was funny, I was referring to other threads. I will backpedal from saying it is inappropriate, though, that is for you guys and the moderators to decide. I still don't agree with the content. Wish I would've followed the advice I just read in a different post, <---10' pole--->. Now, note the speed and distance at which I will once again disappear....

Wow those captions ARE FUNNY. You guys rock....when I wake up a little more, I'll try....but, damn those are funny. Nice idea gnomie

"Margaret, I figured out where that patchouli stench is coming from....look out the window....there's a big ass hippy up there

And Jesus cried with a loud voice, "Fo Fo loves the lesbians!" What was the question?

Another Caption:

Medical Training Manual: "Here we see one of the possible tragic side-effects of Vasectomy"

LOL Gnomie regarding the buried dinosaur bones..... I just got the reference...lol!

Last edited: Sunday, April 18, 2004 at 8:16:59 PM

@TG, ACK!

@wife, CALL THE DOCTOR AND CANCEL!

Oh, and my entry "Keeping the hands warm."

Hi van...just read your post....very well reasoned....i'm just being cheeky...please don't take me seriously...most people have the good sense not to.

...as far as your insinuation that I'm a fool, that cat got out of the bag a hell of a long time ago...

Peace and love...stinky

"Ok Jesus...put your hands up and move away from the ball...nice and slow...no funny business and no one gets hurt"

Ok van..good rationalization for this one:

Num.31:14, 17, 18: "And Moses was wroth...And Moses said unto them, "Have ye saved all the women alive?... Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman,... But all the women children... Keep alive for yourselves.

So the hebrews were all "lets kick some middite butts now that we got the gang together" and the middites were all "ouch, dat hurts" and den the hebrews killed all the men and headed to the little tiny baby boys and they were all "I'll bash your brains out heathen baby boy" and the baby boys were all "waaaaaaaaaa" den BASH! And the baby boys were all "im dead" den the hebrews headed for the baby girls and they were all "should we smash these against the rocks like it says in Psalm 137?" and gods all "Naw, keep em for yourself" and their like "cool...dis ones kinda cute" den they're all "im bored...lets kill all the ladies now" but gods all "don't kill the virgins" and they are all "why not?" and gods like "cause I said so GODDAMIT" and they are all "we can feel the love" den they bashed the brains out of all the middite moms

CAN YOU FEEL THE LOVE?

Stinkfingers...

You seem to like quoting that rather fragmented passage. Do you even have an idea why the hebrews are doing this? You shoudl also read Numbers chapter 25 and all of Chapter 31 to really FULLY understand what was happening. Or at least have a clue to what you are talking about. Right now it is like trying to explain a light bulb to someone that doesn't have a clue how electricity works. Besides, what happened in Numbers is more of a historic account, and you would do much better reading Parts of Romans 8, or the gospels to better understand what being a christian is about.

For us Christians we do not need to follow the old Jewish law since we have someone who gave up his life so that we can have our sins forgiven by beliving in him

Yeah...you are probably right...LETS NOT DWELL ON ALL THE MURDER, REVENGE, RAPING AND BABY KILLING in the bible...i should read more carefully

THERE MUST BE A WONDERFUL, INSPIRATIONAL REASON TO KILL BABIES in there somewhere....?

Rabban, can u help van out here?

You know, the baby next door to me cries all the time, and keeps me awake....i dont know if he is a middite or anything, but he is kinda SWARTHY....can I bash him against the rocks?

Or is this only justified if you are a HISTORICALLY PERSECUTED and CHOSEN people?

Just curious....

Lil stinky

Its hilarious to me to see people try to justify the dark side of the bible --to themselves. What a strong psychological NEED TO BELIEVE you must have if you can swallow all that baby killing...

Wouldn't you like to sweep all that vengence under a rug and pretend it didn't exist...?

And van, im not going read that nasty book...might I suggest to you that you spend a little time with Nieztsche's Geneaology of Morals and Beyond Good and Evil...for a socio-historical perspective on Christianity...it reconciles all the nasty vengence with the supper hippy jesus stuff in a way that your biblical apologists have never been able to do.

Stinky -- who doesn't believe in baby killing

Last edited: Sunday, April 18, 2004 at 11:37:27 PM

Stinky,

You have more balls than me.....

:-)

K8

Hi TG...but jesus has one great big ball...as gnomie's picture displays so cheerfully...he's got the biggest ball(s) of them all

Van u wrote: "Right now it is like trying to explain a light bulb to someone that doesn't have a clue how electricity works." [grammatic errors in original]...maybe a more apt analogy would have been: "its like trying to explain santa claus to someone who believes in logic, reason and experience."

As you may have deduced from my posts, I'm not an idiot...i recommend you don't continue to insinuate that I am

Stinky...im a fool...not an idiot

Last edited: Sunday, April 18, 2004 at 11:37:55 PM

OK Stinky, you get the job. And what's more, dammit, you beat me to the Big Hippy joke. Meanwhile, here's Leonardo's famous painting "Jesus Contemplating Lamb Stew":

And for all of you that found Stinky's argument irresistable, help is available .

Delicious!!! I don't know if I won this fair and square...there were some dam funny responses out there...particularly 44's and TG's...lets have a vote

Ps. Are u sure that's supposed to be jesus? He seems a bit too blond-haired, rosy cheeked. That looks a bit more like David Hasselhof's senior photo to me

Stinky

Last edited: Monday, April 19, 2004 at 1:33:50 AM

Great posts....in the greatest christian spirit I must say I am moved and feel like taking on a traditional christian value....boys time for some TB!!!!

B

Wats TB? Tether ball? Do christians play tether ball?

Team battlemode......blue vs green or christians vs. (insert any other group here)

U choose

B

Some questions for the faithful:

I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian, always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be?

While thinking about that, can I ask another? My wife insists on working on the sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly says she should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill her myself, or is it OK to call the police?

Here's one that's really important 'cause we've got a lot of sports fans in this town. Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean. Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves, can the Syracuse Orangemen still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point?

Does the whole town have to be together to stone my brother Steve for planting different crops side-by-side? Can I burn my mother in a small family gathering for wearing garments made from two different threads? Think about those questions, would you?

(writing credits to Aaron Sorkin -- from a West Wing episode)

44: yes yes yes yes yes....if it says so in the bible, well then buddy, let er rip. Oh, are any of the loved ones you want to kill middites? Because, certain restrictions appy: you can bash them all to death except for the virgins. Well, I hope this clears things up...now, be a good christian and KICK SOME HEATHEN BUTTS! (sorry for the caps tally).

O pappy

I go away for a weekend and you guys just go nuts! 8o

Last edited: Monday, April 19, 2004 at 11:10:45 AM

Whew, I guess the fact that I let a woman use her tongue on me is not a sin worth killing me over... Thank god.

I volunteer to get stoned with your brother.... Wait... Is that what you meant? Did he plant Jamacan Gold right next to California redbud? If so, he should be shot outright.

Yes, TG, you are right to condemn pratices that will weaken the genetic variety of the good stuff!

And concerning your caption competition, Gnomie, Dr. Evil just called to say he wants his ball back...

Caption: "I hope they don't pop when I unplug them."