Why is it everything your child may say or do could potentially be illegal? Why do you have to control everything? Why is it that you are always right, even when you are clearly and undoubtably wrong? Why can't you impose your ultimate judgement when we actually do something wrong? Why is it that everything your child does is most likely an aimed personal insult to you and only you if you dont like it? Why are you suspicious of your child?

Ladies and Gentleman...
Warfare, of age 17...

*drumroll*

...has a bedtime.

Yes, You read correctly. I have a bedtime now.

At 8 PM all electronic devices will be off and wont be turned back on until after school of the next day.
At 9 PM All homework will be done, and I will be in bed and will not be getting up for anything (unless mother calls me a million times for something or a bathroom trip)
I will be up and dressed, showered, etc at 7:00 AM and all pets will be fed by 7:30 AM and off to school I go...

The best part is folks... I Am Not Being Punished!
Imagine That!
I have done nothing wrong. At all.
I am told I am not being grounded... Yet if this isn't being grounded, what is?

I always pass my classes...
I almost never leave home.
I (according to my mother) am intellegent enough to make good decisions.
I have a life and it is sitting in my computer... (which isnt alot of life but hey, it can make me money :) )

So in light of all that... What is to be suspicious of?
Everything I do could possibly be bad can't it?
as an example:
I crashed my bike a long while back, so to tend to my wounds, I was trying out some liquid band-aid stuff...
Later my mother thought I was a inhaling it because the bathroom smelt like the stuff... You know, like drugs...
It turns out that, yes I was using the stuff correctly, and no, there is nothing in it that will get you high.
Surprise! Mommy's little boy wasn't doing wrong after all! But was mommy wrong? Of Course Not!!

So parents... I ask you this...

Why?
I cant get an answer from my mother... All she will say is "You're arguing with me"...
So, since parents always know best, know all, and are never, ever, wrong...
You tell me why you do this to your children...

And guess what... I am not done ranting and raving...
mother told me it was time to turn the computer off just now...
If you have never seen me pissed off... You have now.

Warfare -

Ease up bro....sounds like you and your Mom aren't communicating.

There's a lesson here that you need to remember....90% of the problems that lie ahead of you are going to involve either a lack of communication (apparently your Mom doesn't know enough about your life and is reacting to what she reads / see / hears from friends, co-workers, or the media) or too much communication (for example....you tell your wife her hot new co-worker is an ex-girlfriend from your college days).

Beware of the second example - it's implications are a helluva lot worse than your current situation.

I hear you war. The thing about my parents (specially my dad) are afraid to give up olod traditions like kissing me when I go to bed. Last night he woke me up at 2:00 just to say goodnight to me, thus making it impossible to go back to sleep, thusly making me so tired in to morning that I failed a test. I can't even complain, because then he will go through the roof, blame everything on my mom, leave for six hours, coma back and mope for the following month. He doesn't even have a job because he insists that I need him at home. Thusly, we are doing VERY bad finacially. Parents think they are gurus of life, and while sometimes they are right, they never admit their wrongs. Like right now

Warfare, I'm sure if you do of what your mom asks and make her happy, she will in return treat you in a more mature fashion. She may in fact be doing this just to see how you might react. A mature reaction on your part may indeed influence her actions down the road. My boy is only 6 but there are still strategies involved in raising/guiding children. I know it is very difficult to understand that your mom's intentions are for your best interests, but they usually are.

Just try to see the positive things that lie within. Sounds like your mom is a responsible lady, a quality that should be held in high regard. It could be much worse.

I don't even want to tell you some of the not-so-respectable things my biological mother did.

But do you know where the silver lining is?

Yes, I will NEVER do those same kinds of things to my children. Hopefully those better qualities will be passed down to their children.

Nap

You've probably heard this before, but I'll say it again just in case: I would trade my right nut to be 17 again and have my primary worries include homework and chores. Please try and enjoy your youth, it's gone way too fast. I'll agree that the "bedtime" is a little unreasonable, but suck it up and do your chores and homework. That's life, and it only gets harder. I know I sound like an old fart, but I'm only 32. Oh- and eat your vegetables. :)

@Warfare
your mom is freaked, her little angel is now 17. In a year or so he will probably be going off to college and she doesn't know how to handle that. Seems like she is trying to make a last ditch effort to see if her little boy can handle direction and reponsibilty. Sit down and speak with her, let her know were your at and find out were she is at.

Well, here goes my family problems.... My mother was raised in the perfect family:

"Mother was a teacher, Daddy worked for the government. Mother always cooked the best sweets. Father was strict but lovable at the same time. Sissy and Me always got along, and were best of friends."

Dear Father on the other hand, his growing conditions where all but perfect. He moved all the time because his father was a high ranked military member. His dad was strict and didn't know how to treat his wife. Almost everything was an insult to him. Thus his mothers self-esteem tremendously dropped. She was treated like a maid, rather than a wife. Dad's older brother, Uncle Mike, was always picking on him, and never showed love of concern for his younger sibling. Dad was always getting himself hurt, he would sometimes come home bleeding all over, with nails in his feet, all that jazz. Daddy wasn't there to help calm dear old mom up. She grew more and more protective and neurotic about here son. All this, as always, rubbed off on my dad.

He got all his mother and fathers qualities. My dad is a worry-wart and never gives me a moment's peace. He doesn't know how to react with his family, to talk or create conversation with his wife, and almost anything she says is an insult. He acquired his rude and malicious sense of humor from big bro. So he likes teasing us, rather than the usual jokes.

Dad will come home, and sometimes his mood is better than others. None the less, he will end up grumpy sooner or later, but mainly sooner. He will end up slamming the door, leaving with a cigar and liter in his hands. Also leaving mom to be in her room, just as irritated with his short behavior, and inability to react with his sons in a formidable manor.

Dad spends all his time surfing Mavericks and smoking. Which will sometimes leave him in a good mood. These are the times that you hope will never end. So far, they can end almost instantly if you get on his last remaining nerve (the only one he has).

My little brother does anything and everything in his power to make things worse. He will wake up at night, keep mom from sleeping, piss of dear ole' dad, break things, over-react, piss me off (which is probably the worst of all), and so much more that I don't wish to tell you all. All his rage, all her rage, it comes back to haunt... You guessed it, ME! Since Pops here got his share (or lack) of brotherly love, he expects the same that his brother gave him from me. He is so protective of my bro, and I can't even begin to tell you how horrible it makes me feel. I'm always blamed for everything! I mean, much, MUCH more that the average older sib. Everyday, freedom is sucked from me, all because of dad and brother dearest.

What really SUCKS is that my mom and dad constantly fight. For the most unreasonable things, too. When I was younger, mommy and daddy always said, "We fight because people that love each other fight." Yeah, well, that ain't workin' anymore! I feel the day that dad pushes mom over the edge is coming nearer and nearer, and I can't bare it! Sometimes I feel that I'm either the cause of it, or just caught in between it. I can't explain the way it feels to have such opposite working parents....

Well, I'm glad I got that of my chest.

-CS

I would just confront her and give out your opinion. Oh an also if you get enough good remarks from ptt show her. I do think that is ludicrious

I think ur mother is just a bit over protective.......she doesnt want n e thing bad to happen to ya.....i know wat u mean.....i dont have it as bad as u do....but I kinda do.........i never really go out to hang with friends cuz when I do she says either we're spending too much money on u this month or...u've been going out too much l8ly when ive only been out like 3 times or less tat month....my parents also constantly ask who im talking to on the internet and u know I want my privacy and all and I also know tat they just dont want me to be talking to some perverted 50 year old guy who wants to trick me into giving my address and kidnapp me..... I know I wouldnt do tat...but they dont know tat......in the end it is all bout communication....in ur case it seems like there is not enough....iknow it can be hard for u to listen to all this stuff im writing about and tat it seems really hard from ur description to talk to ur mom about wat ur feeling but maybe u could write her a letter since she doesnt seem to want to hear arguing....as it is right now im being threatened to have my comp tanken away for using it too much but she just wants the best.....try to write a letter to tell her ur opinion on the matter and tat u would like a little bit more freedom and to have a more open conversation

You sure sound like a good kid, but are you telling everything? I ask because:
"At 8 PM all electronic devices will be off"
"At 9 PM All homework will be done"
and mostly:
"I have a life and it is sitting in my computer..."
Any chance grades are good but slipping, maybe starting to over-sleep, forgetting to have homework done or having trouble with social settings? I ask because my oldest, (two years younger than you), could've posted an almost identical list of complaints. Her restrictions were to curtail the aforementioned things caused by her freedom of computer and game times. Your mom sounds like a caring parent, I find it difficult to believe she would impose such restrictions without good reason. My two cents, any way.
Ahh, to be 17 again, like Fishtank said. I remember bolting a Muncie Rock Crusher into my '69 Biscayne, cruising to the beach, hitting the arcades, concerts and outdoor parties. Things have changed for sure.

Remember to love your mom, she's the only one you will ever have. It's normal to have disputes at your age. Your 9 pm bedtime is a bit early though.

I will add, 9:00 seems a bit early for a teen.

Wow War. That really sucks, but I'd rather have that than the violent ways my parents "take care of their problems". Well I've out-grown my mom by half a foot so she's not really the problem. My dad on the other hand....be reassured that there are worse ways to be punished even though a 9 o'clock bed time is absolutely ridiculous. It'll get better, I promise. :)

P.S. -
"I have a life and it is sitting in my computer..."

What kinda monitor do you have? Must be pretty dang big.

Cheer up Bucko,
_ND_

I was blessed with a sister four years older than me and a brother two years older who broke my parents in for me. :'(

Society in general has not come to terms with the fact that teenagers' natural tendency is to stay up late and sleep-in late. Similarly, our educational institutions are rediculous holdovers from the past. They are geared more to accomodate the institution than the students.

Hang in there, the transition to legal adult is often awkward.

Ja, my dad seems to think that you guys aren't really people... :'(
That's the worst thing he could say, when in fact this is my entire social life, and my life's mission is basically to get all of you guys to heaven--and have a little fun on the way. This is the only place I would ever be. (except maybe at the TT Convention....)

I can only hope it will get better... On at achool here...
I have a 14 inch monitor Neva :) but its kinda old... Not too ald anyway

Hey War-

I'm a dad, but I remember 17. There were some good things about it.
(like what Banshee posted- when was the last time I worked on a rockcrusher? 1978?... Old school)

Mostly it was a mixed up time for me and my family. I wanted independence, they wanted control. Nobody got what they wanted. Your family sounds a little like mine. Poor communication all around.

Try to find a time when you can talk to mom about it without getting mad while you talk . I agree that the time limits are a bit tight, but then I don't know the whole situation.

In addition to being dad, I'm a teacher. I know that HS students tend to sleep late and stay up late. It's biological. It's also weird that teachers know this, but schools insist on starting HS the earliest.

You're in a weird time of life. You are making plans for your future, and the parents know what they want from you. Sometimes it doesn't mesh. That's when it's important to be able to sit down and talk it through. You aren't a kid anymore, but you aren't quite an adult either. Close, but not quite.

From what I have seen of your scripting work, you have some good skills and talents that may be able to become a career. Get the education you need to pursue it, and set your feet on a good path.

Tell your parents what your plan is. See if they can support it. Also discuss your issues with them when you all can do that without anger. It looks to me like you all have different ideas, but need to come to a common understanding.

From a parent to two...not yet teenagers. Wisdom in Banshee and LGM's words...read them carefully.

Your parents likely believe strongly that they have made a decision and established some rules that are in your best interest. Here's a challenge for you...

Try to understand why they believe these rules are in your best interest. Write down all the reasons they might believe those are good rules for you. Look to understand what it is they are trying to accomplish (more sleep, better grades, more friends, etc.). What do they need? It's not important that you agree, simply try to figure out where they're coming from. Once you understand their perspective, propose a compromise. Here's the formula: 1) Tell them you believe you understand why they have established those rules...tell them why....show them you really understand where they're coming from; 2) Next, tell them why you have a problem with the rules...be specific and give examples; and lastly, 3) Propose some new ways whereby you might satisfy their needs, in a way that's more acceptable for you.

If that doesn't work, tell them if they don't back off you're going to run away from home and begin doing drugs and turning tricks in Central Park.

Last edited: Thursday, January 05, 2006 at 11:49:04 PM

I had a good, but odd, childhood. My family spent 5 years in Saudi Arabia. I lived and went to school there for the 8th & 9th grades; but the Saudi's don't have any schools for foreigners past the 9th grade, so after that I had to go to a boarding school, and went back to Saudi for the summer (at least one month of which was spent travelling back to the States and then back to Saudi).

I attended the boarding school for the 10th-12th grades, and then we all moved back to the US. I lived with my folks for 1 year while going to college before getting my own apartment. After college I lived with them again for 1 year before finding a job (graduated with a CS degree the same year IBM laid off a TON of programmers).

So, for all intents and purposes, I moved out when I was 14, and with 2 intervals haven't been back. On the plus side, I wasn't in the house at all during the years when siblings typically start really getting on each other's nerves, so my sister and I get along great! ;)

Oh, and on WF's problem, I am afraid I can't see any other reasons why these restrictions have been placed on you. Is there something going on in your neighborhood or school area that might have her worried that you might get caught up in? Maybe an increase in muggings or drugs at school or gangs or something like that? In a case like that, you don't have to have done anything wrong, she's just trying to protect you from something else...

Last edited: Friday, January 06, 2006 at 4:02:02 AM