I was thinking that PTT should have a humor thread. In this thread there will be humorous things such as jokes, animations, funny pictures, funny signs, etc. Of course a lot of funny stuff deal with Stuff that cannot be said on PTT. So I will say this once KEEP THE JOKES, PICTURES, SIGNS, ETC. CLEAN! Well have fun!

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Dumb Sergeant...

It was early morning at the military base, and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper:

"Ames" "Here!" "Jenson" "Here!" "Jones" "Here!" "Magersky" "Here!" "Seeback"

No answer.

"Seeback!"

No answer was heard again.

"SEEBACK!!!" The troops remained totally silent.

At that point, someone whispered into the first sergeant's ear. He looked again at what the last name really said, quickly turned over the list and continued calling the names printed on the other side.

Jesus is watching you....

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?" "Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."

Last edited: Monday, February 27, 2006 at 3:58:53 PM

Here's more I found...

It's our little secret...

Uuuuuuh... Keep drivin

Here is an example of why ppl should change thier last names. Thank god fer the legal court system.

Tat's all folks!

PS: found tis

Dude, that is as funny as it gets XD :P

Starring: Candoleezza Rice, George W. Bud, Donald Rumsfeld

Reprising thier roles from Episode I: Colin Powell, Saddam Hussein, Dick Cheney

Introducing: Osama Bin Laden as the Phantom Menace

Look at Saddam's gut! He's packin some heavy stuff there...

^ you know what they say....more cushion for the pushin' ;)

Lol^

( ahem lets see what I have here *looks for a joke book* a here it is *cough cough* dusty isn't it ok lets see what it has)
knock knock.
who's there?
A Fred !
A Fred who?
whos a Fred of the big bad wolf.
(hehe get it A fred, afraid)
which hen lays the longest?
a dead one.
(hmm *flips through pages*)

Boy: you've got a face like a milion dollars
Girl: have I really
Boy: sure, its green and wrinkly
(hehe its hate humor)

"mummy, mummy, why do I keep going round in circles"
"sjut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor"
(well thats all im gonna type hope ya laugh)

*bump*

You don't say that to girls. You say that to Yoda.

Ooooooooops :'(

Bump!

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because he was dead. XD

Knock knock.
whos there?
ya.
ya who? (yahoo)
am I in texas?

A real funny:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Cow go.
Cow go who?
No, cow go moo

More funny pictures. Foundsome captions as well.....

Maybe his previous occupation?

Soooooo, which is it?

Do you really want to feed them?
It might make things worse

I dont really get this caption that came with it....
Canadians break species language barrier!

Hehhehehehehehehehe

Posted twice?!?

Sorry, that was weird... I dont remember doing that twice... Oh well... Deleted!

Lol^^

Wow, these are good, and bump!

Nice thread ae. Of course I will keep contributing XD ;) :P B)

---What do you call 4 mexicans sinking in quicksand?

Quatro Cinco! (ahem... Kwa-tro Sink-o :P )

---What to do you call 2 mexicans playing basketball?

Juan on Juan

---What has 72 legs, 2 wings, and is yellow all over?

A chinese soccer team B)

---What do you hear if you get Warfare's answering machine?

"I'm sorry, the fingers you have used to dial this number are too fat. To try again, please mash the keypad with your palm. BEEP!"

---What do you hear if you get Warfare's best friend's answering machine?

"Thank you for calling the Georgetown Emergency Services Hotline (GESH). Press 1 if you know the name of the felony being committed. Press 2 if you are being murdered. Press 3 to file a lawsuit against any local schoolteachers. Press 4 to contact Main Street Abortion Clinic. Your Call Is Important To Us! BEEEP!"

Rofl my waffles.
:P

I got a joke how do you stop a black person from jumping on the bed

Put vilcro on the sealing

And how do you get him down

Tell a mexican its a pinata

And how do you get him to stop

Get a white man to tell him immigration is at the door

LOL XD

*BUMP*

Hmm... I know a few songs and rhymes from my childhood.

Mary had a little lamb,
She set it on a shelf,
and Every time it wagged its tail,
It spanked its little self,

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a heater,
And every time it turned around,
It burnt its little seater,

Mary had a little lamb,
Its awful dumb its true,
It followed her in a traffic jam,
And now it's mutton stew,

Mary had a little lamb,
her father shot it dead,
now Mary brings her lamb to school,
Between two hunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb
Suzy had a pup
Johnny had a crocodile
that ate the others up.

My Bonnie looked into a gas tank
But nothing she could see there,
she lit a match to assist her,
Oh bring back my bonnie to me

(chorus ) Bring back oh bring back ect...

My Bonnie has tuberculosis
my Bonnie has only one lung
She spits up a bloody concoction
and rolls it around on her tongue.

(chorus)
Come up,
Oh Come up,
Oh Come up my supper to me!

Ya have to be a hick to understand this one.

Oh give me a home,
Where the buffaloes roam,
And the cowboys work till they drop...plop,
Where cows all relax,
and lie flat on there backs,
and this brings the cream to the top.

Alright I'm done

Those r hilarious lol^

Knock knock
who cares?
banana
I don't care.
aren't you glad I didn't say banana again
I said I don't care

Bump..

Ae why don't you just put a joke instead of bumping. Well the joke doesn't really have to be good just like made up like I did.

1234 I declare a money war.
take that washington.
take that eagle.
take that guy on the dime.

XD

Lol....i am asuming u did that :o

To lessen the pain of a REALLY bad pun....I won't put a caption on the following pic.

Last edited: Tuesday, March 21, 2006 at 6:40:03 PM

^ Blitz!....Keep this G-Rated!!...that last pic aint G-Rated!...BTW Monica thats halirous..

Lol Blitzer where do you find all these pictures.... :P

Oh guys, anyone heard of this hilarious site: rubberfaces.com

:)

Here's the new mobile version of GG's MarbleBlast! Is that 56klagman modeling it?
Why can't they do a similar upgrade for TT?

^LMAO.... :P

^^ that's wrong...... Anyway There's a guy who forgets his wife's anniversary. She gets very angry and says "there better be something on the driveway tomorrow that goes from 0- 200 in 6 seconds. The next morning the wife goes outside to find a rectangular package on the driveway. She opens it. In it is a weight scale.

The husband's funeral is scheduled for Thhuresday.

Dane Cook B)

O that is wrong Dinoboy.....LOL

Uhh..*BUMP*...and check this out!
Worst Landing Ever

That plane could've crashed... Oh well.

One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle.

For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said,"I wish the every female bear was dead"