Just trying to figure out if I really am the "bad guy".

A co-worker is adopting a baby soon, actually, she's a 1yo China girl. Once she and her family returns from picking up the baby and maternity leave is over, the plan is to bring baby to work. Both the new mommy and Nana (the boss) think this is a wonderful idea.

During a conversation concerning a VP resistance to the plan with "mommy", I admitted that I felt "uncomfortable" with the idea. As you can imagine, a tense conversation followed that ended abruptly. The next day I was talking in out with Nana. The good news is we're on good terms now, but "mommy" is being very distant. So, work sux.

Anyway, the question is, is any one else have experience with this sort of situation? We're a very small, friend-owned business that enjoys a family atmosphere. Some of us have brought our kids to work from time to time, usually after school for a few hours, because of special circumstances. But I think this is going too far. "Mommy" plans to continue working full-time while taking care of her toddler here at the office. They say it won't be every day, that it won't effect anyone else at work, and that they'll use a sitter if it doesn't work out, but I still think its too much. Am I just another grumpy old man?

What say you?

Well im not in that situation, but I'd find it very distrcting.... A screaming baby which needs constant care and attention should not be juggled with work. I think it would affect everyone, and where would it go? What would it do? It would be so boring for him/her.

That's really a fair question.

Honestly, if you worked in a bigger company, this would probably not even be seen as an option. I can empathize with mom wanting to bring the child with her to work, but it won't work out. This kid is going to be a toddler. She'll get into things. She'll end up bothering people as they work.

You're in a tough situation. You work in a small company that wants to give mom what she wants because they want to be helpful. Unfortunately, the decision to allow it was made without getting input from the other people. You should have been given the opportunity to state your view without "mom" knowing what you said. Nana shouldn't have shared that with her.

I agree that having your kid at work to help on a day school is snowed out or closed for conferences, or to help with childcare is a good thing, and probably a temporary issue.

Setting up a kid to be at work every day is not right. Eventually, there will be a problem. The little one will cry too much, or get in somebody's stuff, or screw up a computer or something. Somebody's going to be upset, and it won't be fair to anyone. Personally, I don't think it's fair for the mom to ask if she can do this, because no one wants to be the bad guy who makes it tough for a new mom. It would be better for the little one to be in a more appropriate environment. She will need room to move in. She's developing gross motor skills, and should be in a less restrictive place.

Too bad the company is so small. Under the family leave act, she'd be eligible for leave because of an adoption....

We have an 11month old at home now. It won't fly. My wife is fully engaged with our girl nearly every second of the day.

Once again rabban, you are right.

This seems to be another common sense answer. If it was so easy and great to have your baby at work ,don't you think more people/companies would do it?

I would love for my wife take our ratbastards. Heck she was a teacher she would have like 25 babysitters...

FYI - We do have 3 weeks maternity leave. The problem there is that the VP is refusing to cover the Admin's time so she can be home with baby. Frankly, I think that sucks too since the VP is a partial owner and the leave is one of the stated benefits of the company. The VP is only going to come down once a week. She's got to get back for her pilates class. XO

I have been promoting a "Plan B", which I personally think is the perfect solution. Let mommy work from home. She can take care of all her duties remotely on the computer and we can set her up with an IP phone so she can still handle incoming calls during business hours. I think that would be quite a generous solution considering she's still going to be a full-time employee (with pay and benefits uneffected), but better for everyone in the long run and one I can really support and be happy about. Maybe Nana and mommy will buy in more once the toddler is at home and they see how much work she's really going to be.

When someone is bringing a baby to work, both baby and work are not getting the attention they deserve and require.

I hear you about the workplace tension.

Here's what I'd do: negociate a trial period of say 1-2 weeks. TRIAL is the keyword here.
I think it won't take long before everyone realizes at the office that's it not working well (or that it IS working well), then you'll be seen as someone with good insight.

If you oppose this right away, you will be hated - and workplace tensions are real.

If you say 'yes' but with big reservations to the experiment , you will be hailed as someone wise and tolerant.

Also you can always negociate a concession with another - like being able to play TT at work! ;)

Basically there is no way in h*** their silly plan will work and you are right to object to it. Somebody is being quite naive if they think that a 1 year old can be happy in an office. I've had to bring my son into work on the weekends before and usually my boss has to distract him while I get stuff done. As for working at home I was unable to do so unless he was asleep until just recently (he just turned two). She needs to get a very small daycare for the kid or stay home and forget about the silly plans. What this kid needs is a consistent normal schedule with lots of one on one attention that she can depend on to make the adjustment easier.

My thought on the subject is to simply state that in from your EXPERIENCE with kids it will be very difficult and then let it go. They'll find out soon enough and maybe naive new mommy will gain a little respect for you.

Three words...No No No
A baby requires a full time attention, Especially at her age.

Think twice... :)

^ lol! XD

My advice? Don't complain until it becomes an issue. If it doesn't turn out to be an issue, then you're the cool guy who didn't complain. If it does become an issue, you're the cool guy who had the balls to say it was an issue.

Unfortunately, now that you've already complained, you're just the grumpy, old, pessimistic, uncool guy.

Hmm... I think I'd be a grumpy old man too. Frankly I think they are being selfish to those around them.
Your employers are essentially asking her to do less and everyone else pick up the work. It's foolish to have the liability of a small child in their place of business. There is a family leave law she can use too.

Plus if I walked into a place of business and it looked like a daycare I'd turn around and go somewhere else.

Hehe.. Clearly, you work with optimists.

I think the new mother has boundary issues. I would guess that she is overjoyed to share her excitement with those with whom she shares her work life, especially if she has no other children (I'm just making an assumption here, perhaps it was stated already). This is an important moment in her life and she wants to share it with as many people as she can. I think that if it stops there, she's doing the healthy thing. The unhealthy thing to do, is to assume that people are so happy for you, that you infringe on everything that they do with your own happiness.

I would suggest, rejoice with the mother for A day, single, 8 hours should be plenty, actually all day is probably too long. Get her a cake, or a cookie, and some sort of congratulations from your co-workers. Regardless, share in her life, and set the boundary for a healthy relationship. If you've got to be the adult, then so be it. And if she doesn't understand, then so be it. But someone has to draw the proverbial line somewhere.

Ok... If it is a big office, which I have a feeling it isn't, she can have the nanny person at work so she can pay att to the baby if she wants to always look after her baby.

EDIT; or Rabban your could quit and let the baby have your room XD

Last edited: Sunday, November 05, 2006 at 6:05:16 AM

^ re-lol!

I have problems, and I'm glad I don't have to deal with yours. XD

Peace!

@Memphis - I think you're right on the money and is probably why the silent treatment continues today. :( She probably thinks I'm not happy about the baby at all, which isn't the case, but for her it probably all rolls into one.

I like your suggestion, so the first day she's back from China and in the office, I'll make sure there's bouquet on her desk along with an age appropriate toy.

@Jacob - As things are, I'm seriously considering leaving at this point. I've been thinking about it for some time, so this episode (along with some previous situations) in addition to some family developments over the weekend (my father was taken to the hospital with a fibrillating heart), I'm looking to move closer to my hometown so I can begin to prepare to take care of my folks during their senior years.

It must be hard to part with some of your own toys! Good boy Rabban!

Last edited: Monday, November 06, 2006 at 12:04:43 PM

Rabban, I'll be praying for you.

What is the profit in bringing the kid to the office?

^ the new mommy gets to bond with it. That's the rationale and the only reason I've been given.

On the bright side, we're working to get her wired at home so she can do all her duties remotely. We're testing things to work out any kinks before she leaves for China.

The dark side, I'm still in the doghouse. :(

She should kiss your feet for making it possible to work from home... Many dream of that setup.