I go to another game forums like this, and I thought I would share some of the posts on a thread. Quite hilarious. Oh, and the forums is for Enemy Territory of course XD

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a
high school diploma to fix one - reassurance for those of us who
fly routinely in our jobs!

After every flight, pilots fill out a form, called a
"gripe sheet", which tells mechanics about problems with the
aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs
on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the
next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense
of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted
by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions
recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the
way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an
accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost
replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land
not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in
cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per
minute descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence
removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more
believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's
what friction locks are for!

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode. S: IFF always inoperative in
OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after
brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up,
fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a
midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away
from midget

________________________________________________________________

Life is great at the house;

Your kids are perfect

A bountiful meal is waiting for you on the table

Your bath water is drawn for you

Your mate's arms are open with kisses at the ready

So where are you?

IN THE WRONG HOUSE!

________________________________________________________________

A girl walked into a department store and asked for help in the window shades and blinds section.

A man walked up to her and asked, "How can I help you, Ma'am?"
The girl said, "I would like to know if you have window shades."
The man said, "But of course we do. Many different styles, sizes, and colors."
The girl then said, "I have a room in my house that needs shades."
The man then asked, "What is the size of the window in your room?"
The girl then replied, "Oh, it's not for my window in the room, it's for my computer monitor."
The man replied, "Ma'am, we do not make shades for computer monitors."
But the girl counter by saying, "Well it says Windows!"

________________________________________________________________

"My whole family is shocked and surprised with the death of my uncle", says a man to his friend.
"Oh, that's terrible. Tell me, how old was he?", asks the friend.
"He was 95 years old", answers the man.
"Actually, that's kind of old", claims the friend, "Why are you so surprised?".
"Because his parachute didn't open".

________________________________________________________________

On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sat and waited for an answer... For a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?" After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer

________________________________________________________________

A man walked into a bar and ordered a double scotch.

The man looked down into his shirt pocket and then ordered another double scotch.

The man once again peered into his shirt pocket and ordered another.

As the bartendar walk over to deliver his third double scotch he couldn't help but ask. "Hey biddy, I'll bring drinks all night long if you wish but why the heck do you look into your shirt pocket and then order a drink?"

The man replied, "In this shirt pocket is a picture of my wife. When she starts looking good to me, then I'll go home".

Do feel free to share XD

Last edited: Thursday, July 13, 2006 at 1:49:49 AM

Lol, love them all! Keep em coming!

My mom sent me the quantas airliner gripe sheet about three years ago. I still get an awesome laugh out of them. I like the engine one and the midget one the best XD

The other ones need a grammar check, though. Here is mine:

A man walked into a bar one night. There was another man with a very tight pants on already sitting at the bar. He told the man who had just walked in "Order the scotch, it makes you fly." The other man, looking very skeptical, replied "Prove it."
So, the man sitting ordered a scotch, downed it in one gulp, and jumped out the window. He flew around three times before he came back in. Upon his return, the other man said "Wow, that's amazing!" and ordered a scotch. He downed it in one gulp, went up to the window, winked back at the bar, leapt out the window and... Fell to his death. Meanwhile, back at the bar, the bartender shook his head and said "superman, you can be a real jerk when your drunk."

 

Lol. That parachute one made me think of one....

What's the main difference between golf and skydiving?
-In golf, one would hit something then say "Damn!". In skydiving, one would say "Damn!", then hit something.

 

 

 

As I said, these are not mine, I got them from a game forums, and thought I might as well put them on here. They still make me laugh.

First one has been shown here before. Still funny.

 

An 80 year old man goes to the doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doc looks him over and says "Well, how's everything going?"

"Great" says the old man, "I've never felt better, I now have a 20 year old bride who just became pregnant with my child. So what do ya think about that?"

The doctor considered this question for a moment, and then began:
"I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter. Never misses a season. He left home one day in a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his hunting rifle. On his way to hunt he saw a huge beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home so he couldn't shoot this trophy size animal, but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite gun, and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now what do you think of that?"

The 80 year old man scratched his head and said "if ya ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "my point exactly."

Last edited: Wednesday, July 26, 2006 at 12:09:52 AM

 

 

Whoo boy! That cracked me up pretty hard. XD

@All- Great jokes. ;)

:) ,
--==Niko-Fi==--

Last edited: Wednesday, July 26, 2006 at 12:32:19 AM