Post some good jokes here. But please,no toilet humor (Farting, poo,etc etc) and remember that there are some kids here.

Here are some I picked up all over the web:

How do you make an old lady curse?
Get another old lady to say "BINGO!"

Man and God were having a conversation when Man asks,"How much is a thousand years to you?".
God said,"A minute".
Man says,"Well how much is a million dollars to you?" God replies," a penny".
Then Man says "Well can I have a penny?"
And God says,"In a minute".

The media doesn't report the news,they invent the news!

I got some others,but I decided not to post any more. Let's hear some from you!

That's a great joke!

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead have escaped from jail on muder charges and are tearing across the countryside. They decide to rest in an abandoned barn and go up to the rafters. Before they can rest, however, they hear a police car coming towards the barn. "Let's hide in these barrels," the brunette says, so they climb into three barrels and wait. A police officer comes in and searches around for them. He can't find them, but then another police officer says "Go check up on the rafters." The police officer goes up and searches around for a little, then comes to the barrels. He kicks the first barrel, which the brunette is in. Nothing happens, so he kicks it again. "Meow, meow!" says the brunette. "Oh, it's okay, it's only a cat," says the police officer. He goes to the second barrel with the redhead in it and kicks it. Nothing happens, so he kicks it again. "Woof, woof!" says the redhead. "Oh, it's okay, it's only a dog," says the police officer. He goes to the third and final barrel, which the blonde is in, and kicks it. Nothing happens, so he kicks it again. The blonde yells "Potatoes!"

.... LOL!

I don't get it.... I'm sure it would be funny if I knew what it was supposed to mean! Can someone explain?

The brunette yells "meow!" so the police officer thinks she's a cat. The redhead yells "woof!" so the police officer thinks she's a dog. The blonde yells "potatoes!" in hopes that the police officer will think that she's some potatoes. :)

LOL! Thats fuuny spunk

Here's another few blonde jokes, and I have nothing against blondes because my mom was one, so here it goes:

A blonde is on one side of the river and a brunette is on the other. The brunette yells "How do I get to the other side?" The blonde thinks for a minute, then yells back, "You ARE on the other side!"

A blonde is driving about 130 miles per hour on the highway. A police officer, who is also a blonde, signals her over to the side, and pulls up behind her. The blonde officer gets out, goes up to the blonde's window and says "What are you doing, driving that fast?" The blonde shrugs and says "I dunno...I thought it said to go 130?" The officer says "I'm going to need to see some form of identification, ma'am." The blonde looks through her purse to find something, anything that could identify her. Finally she comes upon a pocket makeup kit and opens it. There's a mirror inside, and she sees herself. She hands the mirror to the blonde officer, who says "Oh, sorry! If you'd have told me you were an officer, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are hunters and so they are staying in a hunting house for the week. On the first day, the brunette goes out of the house and comes back two days later with a huge 100-point buck. "Wow!" exclaim the redhead and blonde, "How did you do that?" "Easy," says the brunette, "I followed the tracks until I found the deer." The redhead decides to take her advice and goes out hunting. She comes back two days later and has a smaller buck, but it's still in the 70-point range. "Wow!" exclaims the blonde, "How did you do that?" "Easy," says the redhead, "I followed the tracks until I found the deer." The blonde decides to try it for herself and goes hunting. She comes back three days later, bruised, her clothes ripped in places, and huge gashes on her arms and legs. "What happened?!?" ask the brunette and redhead, "How did you get like that?" "Well," says the blonde, "I followed the tracks for a long time, then I got hit by the train."

Last edited: Tuesday, January 11, 2005 at 3:05:32 PM

A man did nothing.
The end

I took a simple blonde joke and inadvertently turned it into a classic one day. This was back when I was working with a blonde girl named Carrie at Dominos. I usually told her blonde jokes to tease her, but this went so well. It was Tuesday when I told it.

Me: How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Carrie: <sigh> Okay, how?
Me: Tell her a joke on Tuesday.
Carrie: …what?
Me: Don't worry, you'll get it on Friday.
<pause>
SMACK!!!!!

The full-swing slap stung, but it was SO worth it!!! XD

- Bomb…James Bomb

A blonde goes into a library and says, "Hello. I'm here to see the doctor."
The librarian replies, "This is a library."
So the blonde lowers her voice and says, "Oh sorry!" Then whispers, "I'm here to see the doctor."

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... We aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

Remember evryone Blondes play dirty in the bed.....

Alright alright,enough of the blonde jokes. I've had...issues with those...

And treavis,careful,you almost set off my temper.

Last edited: Tuesday, January 11, 2005 at 5:55:13 PM

here's a thread I already created about jokes

I got a good one I picked up...

Three men were going to some guy (I forgot his name,let's name him mike),and mike says,"Sorry heaven is a little full,if your deaths were horrible enough,you may enter."

So the first guy comes up,he says,"Well,I just got home from a night at the bar,and There was this guy with my girlfriend,I followed him up to the balcony,and he slipped! But he managed to grab on to the edge. I was so mad I started beating his fingers,but that didn't work to I got a hammer and crushed his fingers,he fell down two stories and broke his leg,so I get the fridge and throw it down on him,it only stuns him,so I jump off and crush him,only the jump killed me too."

"Hmmm,that sounds like a horrible death,continue on to heaven" mike replied. And the guy passes.

The second man comes up and tells his story,"My girlfriend inviting me over to her house,but she needed to go to the store and so I stayed home,I walked out to the balcony, slipped, and fell off! Lucky I was able to grab the edge,so I hung on and called for help,this man comes along,and for a moment I thought I was saved! But he starts smashing my fingers! He goes back into the house and grabs a hammer,and crushes my fingers,I had to fall down. I was in extreme pain and all of a sudden this fridge lands on me! Well,that left me dazed,so I saw a shape jump off the balcony and I blacked out."

"Yup,horrible,continue" Mike says. And the guy goes to heaven.

The third man walks up and says,"Picture this,I'm hiding in a fridgerator...

Last edited: Tuesday, January 11, 2005 at 6:34:41 PM