Just a little fun to put the shoe on the other foot.

You may be a fundamentalist atheist if....

_{...and if you're not careful, you might learn something.}

XD

233 in the list? What ever happened to top 10?

Last edited: Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 12:28:56 PM

Straw man-isms and typical hatred of humanism/humanists...yawn...a sign of the times...welcome back to the dark ages.

Give me a goddam break. Hedonism and atheism are not synonyms...but whatever.

Are we crusading again?

It's just for fun! Relax! These sort of lists have always been exaggerated and stereotyped. As if there aren't a bunch of "You know you're a Bible-Beater when..." lists out there. Yeesh...

<puts on fire-retardant helmet>

- Bomb…James Bomb

You may be a fundamentalist Christian if you believe any of the above represent good stereotypes of atheists.

JB: did you read that stuff? First off, its barely even humor...as is typical for conservatives, they are completely incompetent in matters of humor...jeff foxworthy is a prime example. Second, it is parading as humor, but its full of spite and invective...just more hatred for fundy knuckle-draggers to email around to their fellow crusaders. Whats next "you might be a homosexual if"? Or maybe, "you might be a jew if"? Would that be funny too?

O my god! Now this is a real crack-up!!! It had me in stitches!

http://www.ehow.com/how_16939_know-gay.html

A word of caution: you'll laugh so hard you'll piss yourself...so read it in the tub.

Nothing wrong with being gay!!! What will they think of next? Boy, the whole family got a kick out of that one...the dog is still howling!

Last edited: Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 5:00:50 PM

Let me pile on...

Some of it might be considered funny...i guess (but then I do laugh at Jeff Foxworthy on occasion, so take that for what it's worth).

It is full of spite and hatred (and, if I had the time to google "invective", that too, I bet).

Worse, though, is that none of them represent good stereotypes. Even Foxworthy's redneck jokes have a grain of truth in them...these don't.

#23 You believe that planes, computers, calculators, compasses, etc, were "all obviously designed," yet the human body, being intricately more complex was "obviously a product of biological evolution." It seems the more complex the apparatus, the more obvious the "fact" that it was not designed.

Where are the legitimate stereotypes?

O!!! Who wrote this? George Carlin? O, my sides ache!!! What a hoot! Boy, do I love comedy!!!

http://www.bidstrup.com/bible2.htm

Fine, I'll admit I only read the first 20 before losing interest. Frankly, the characters the list was describing seemed a bit severe to be taken too seriously. I mean, I've had conversations with atheists, but their arguments are not nearly this sweeping/extreme/false/stupid etc. Looks like the list is describing some panicked ANTI-Bilble-Thumper to me.

"NO! There is NO GOD! It's not possible! If he is all powerful, then could he destroy himself? No? Then he's not all powerful, so he doesn't exist! Yes? Well then, he DID destroy himself, and there is no God! You SEE!? It's perfectly logical!!! God is illogical! You can't make me believe him!!! Get this white jacket off of me! Where are my hands? There coming to take me away, ha ha!!!"

The list seems to be preparing me to counter-argue with some sort of person who has much greater problems than his atheism. Whatever. I thought it was kind of funny.

- Bomb…James Bomb

More flame:

You might be a fundy if:

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Not really very funny...just true.

Holy crap, 3 responses while I was typing. Hold on here....Okay...done reading. Oops, 1 by 44. Oh crap, 2 more posts. Dammit, slow down, Stink!

Last edited: Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 4:40:45 PM

Oh, now this is a scream; http://medfmt.8k.com/mf/nikongeek.html

Do you get it? Isn't that a RIOT?

Last edited: Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 4:58:31 PM

O!!! Good golly! Will the humor never cease? Read at your own peril! http://www.higp.hawaii.edu/~bcohen/found.html

Man I love comedy!

Or this: OMG! Now this is really funny! O joy! http://www.littleafrica.com/20ways.html

Or this: http://lesbianlife.about.com/cs/comingout/a/howdoiknow.htm

Or this: http://www.fbi.gov/mostwant/topten/fugitives/fugitives.htm

Or this: http://www.democraticunderground.com/top10/

Last edited: Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 4:44:15 PM

Funny and true. You do those on your own?

Nope...lost the link...i was laughing just that hard...

Ooooookay, I think I'm caught up. Anyhow, it looks like some people really got their feathers ruffled. Ah well.

The "How to tell you are Gay" was certainly...interesting. I've seen some of the stuff from http://www.bidstrup.com/bible2.htm, which is why I think it is foolish to read the Bible as if it was an error-free dictation of history. Both believers and non-believers who spend hours picking out numbers and specific wordings are really missing the point of what the Bible is about anyway. Man wrote what he saw of God's actions. Expect a bit of discontinuity.

Actually, stink's list of "you might be" managed to creak a grin out of me. Especially with #1. I HAVE met those kind of people. (I have found that a great way to get slugged is by stating, "Thumping is the only thing you've done with that bible, isn't it?) :P

Look, both sides have their simple-minded extremists. Some people think any crack is funny until it applies to themselves. If you don't like the list, then let it go, already. Memorizing argument retorts to claims that only an untrained extremist would make is as useful as counting clan numbers within the Bible stories to try to disprove God. Sheesh....

- Bomb…James Bomb

Last edited: Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 4:48:07 PM

JB: I found a list for you...its a real side-splitter... http://www.warbirdracing.com/swra/toptenmyths/

Lists sure are funny.

In six months [ or 7 days. Whichever comes first ] when the hilarity ends, I'll post a doorknob but stern reaction, then, when challenged, I'll deny I was serious about the whole thing and we can try and all laugh it off together.

For the drumbangers, a quote from someone smarter than you:

Last edited: Tuesday, January 04, 2005 at 5:00:37 PM

They don't apply -- that's the problem.

You might be a fundie atheist if...

1. You spend hours arguing that there's no heaven and no god...and secretly hope that you're wrong.

2. You often envy people of faith, but snicker at them nonetheless.

3. You know and respect several very smart people who believe stuff that is utter nonsense.

4. And on and on and on...

Those have some truth to them. Those have some humor to them. The others don't.

Tally...those fundies are a real kick in the pants, eh? Oh, wat ne'er do wells! Reminds me of the hijinx at abu grhraib!! Talk about comedy.

You know who else is funny? Our president. Here's some bush boners: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.toostupidtobepresident.com%2Fshockwave%2Fnosepick.htm

Only Tally Ho wrote a sensible response......now I KNOW I've lost it.... :P

Fine....it wasn't funny. No sign of mirth. It was strictly meant to be used as a weapon upon all those evil God-haters. Happy? It was I who said that. Rabban didn't claim it to be (and I'm a tad curious when he's going to say something in here).

@ Stink: The top-10 Pylon Race Myths was kind of...well...there. I do enjoy it as a sport occasionally.

@Tally: The quote from William Donahue is nothing less than scary. I can't believe someone would make such a hip-shot statement to the public. Real intellectual there, Don. Cool quote from Tutu, though.

@44: Not sure on that one. You trying to spark a different flame? ;)

I'm done. This turned "stinky" far too quickly. You gotta pace yourself.

- Bomb…James Bomb

"It was strictly meant to be used as a weapon upon all those evil God-haters."

Yes, it was JB...good call. Consider yourself shouted down rabban. Now, git back unner that rock!

Hilarious

Wow.

What a firestorm. Sooo, I guess it will be prefectly acceptable for me to react in the same manner the next time someone posts a "You might be a Fundie Christian if..." list? Come on. I'm sure it wouldn't. The thing is, I've run into some folks here in the forums the fit the bill on some of the items listed. For one, how many times has someone mentioned something they heard in Sunday School so many years ago and that's what turned them against God? I think there's more truth to the list than anyone wants to admit. Now of course I'm mostly considering the young punk atheists who like to roam the net and I think that's who the list was targeting as well. But hey, you know...whoo...take a breather.

Sorry rabby, but that list was unadulterated crap. It was meant to be passed amongst fundies who could all feel smug and superior to all the unsaved. Try posting it over at landover baptist. It would meet with a better reception there. Out of curiousity, how many "you might be a fundy if " lists have you come across in the forums? Most of the ire directed in that direction comes as a reaction to dumbass things fundies say in the forums...

Stink, I disagree (as usual). I don't think it was meant to cause "smug and superior" feelings in believers, but if it does, that's an individual issue. I look at is as a venting tool for Christians where they can list all the atheistic attacks they've run into over the years. You say its crap and that's fine, but just like you like to note all the negative things that's ever happened in relation to Christians, that list hits on a few folks and attitudes I've encountered as well. And like I said in the beginning, just a little fun to put to shoe on the other foot, but it seems some folks can't even laugh at themselves.

Last edited: Wednesday, January 05, 2005 at 8:01:31 AM

I was going to comment when this link was originally posted, but then changed my mind.

Looking at this objectively as possible, all it does is illustrate 2 things to me:

1) All these "You might be a [insert stereotype here] if…" lists are stupid and overgeneralized. All they accomplish is insulting the target group by perpetuating the harsh and often wildly inaccurate stereotypes and prejudices that exist in the world today. I rarely find these humorous, even if I'm far removed from the group being attacked, such as the "You might be a redneck if…" lists and so on.

2) The general point of these is that being a fundie anything sucks, no matter what side of the coin you're on. Christian, Muslim, Republican, Democrat, Redneck, Yuppie, whatever. To have a fundamentalist and myopic view of the world around you is just…idiotic. It's one of the main reasons it will take a looong time for us to ever get over prejudices and bigotry. Unfortunately, it seems that the world is becoming more segregated and divided with each year.

Overall though, this list was pretty offbase in my opinion. Not really funny, nor was it intended to be.

My thoughts exactly OM...which is why I put all those dumbass lists in..to make the point you just stated so well.

And rabby: once again with THE GODDAM PERSECUTED MAJORITY? When are you going to get it? You dudes are driving this train(wreck).

And rabby, in case you haven't noticed, I'm full of self-deprecation...just give me a little comedy, and I'll laugh. But that post was well analyzed by JB. Its intent was not humor, but something else entirely. Find me something funny about atheists and I'll howl along with you...

A guy dies and wakes up to find he is in hell. He's really depressed as he stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance counselor.

He thinks to himself "I know I lead a wild life but I wasn't that bad. I never thought it would come to this." Looking up he sees that it is his turn to be processed into hell. With fear and a heavy heart, he walks up to the counselor.

Counselor: What's the problem, you look depressed?

Guy: Well, what do you think? I'm in hell.

Counselor: Hell's not so bad, we actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to drink?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Counselor: Well then, you are going to love Mondays. On Mondays we drink up a storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want and as much a you want. We party all night long. You'll love Mondays. Do you smoke?

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Counselor: You are going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you smoke to your heart's desire without worrying about cancer because you are already dead! Is that great or what? You are going to love Tuesdays. Do you do drugs?

Guy: Well in my younger days I experimented a little.

Counselor: You are going to love Wednesdays. That's drug day. You can experiment with any drug you want and you don't have to worry about overdoses or getting hooked because you are already dead. You are going to love Wednesdays. Do you gamble?

Guy: Yes, I love to gamble.

Counselor: You are going to love Thursdays because we gamble all day and night -- black jack, craps, poker, slots, horse races, everything! You are going to love Thursdays. Are you gay?

Guy: Uhh...no.

Counselor: Oh , you're gonna hate Fridays...

Bad? Yes. An atheist joke? No. Did it make me laugh out loud? Yes.

Did you know there's an atheist holiday? April 1st!

LOL yes, thanks 44, that cheered me up. I will also hate fridays...but monday through thursday will make up for it I guess....i'll have to fake it on thursdays though.
you know how much fun we atheists try to have! I'm drunk right now, trying to head off this heroin crash, and I've just popped three viagra! Thailand, here I come...better change this shirt...pudding stains all over.

Subtle, 44, subtle. ;)

Boondocks, man.
When it's good, it's really good.