Heya all. My parents are arguing and I really don't what to do. They seem to state the same things over and over. My mom just broke something and my dad just seems to want to be someplace else. Anybody know how to handle these kinds of things. This is really wearing on my nerves... Strange. I thought they were just starting to get along, too.

My issues are similar. My mom still hasn't even told my dad about the TT convention, and we have to word it carefully so it sounds like a question ("We were thinking of meeting up with some TT people...can we try to organize this") rather than it sounding like a statement, or like we have planned all this out without him ("Can we go to the TT Convention on July 9 in Pittsburgh at the Holiday Inn? We've already registered...").

My dad is going to an interview with a university right before spring break, and he says that if he gets an offer, he will leave my mom. And just because of a stinkin' German poster I did! Long story but the issue was trivial...

My wife is a psychotherapist and a licensed marriage counselor. She see's this kind of thing all the time. It is more common than people realize. Often times the parents are so absorbed in their own drama they really don't realize the effect it has on the kids.

Marriage counselors can do an amazing job of facilitating communication. It can occur with just the parents, or even with the whole family. I would strongly suggest that you encourage them to see a counselor together. People get stuck and stop hearing each other after awhile. A counselor can help open the channels again. A talented counselor can really expand people's minds and change your life. There is no good reason not to do it, especially if it is having a negative impact on you. I wish you the best of luck.

Thanks regent. I have been trying to get tiny little vains of releif for them here, but it always goes back to "this is my fault" or "this is your fault" and "I'm sorry"'s. It sounds so stupid, really.

Almost the same but sort of different issue here. Mom and dad keeps fighting and ends in turmoil. My dad is in the army and he is in Iraq (I think) right now and they still fight! I agree with PGG some times the fights seem stupid to me as well

I know! It seems so stupid...they don't fight all the time, but when they don't, it's just cheap shots from my dad or mistakes by my mom that make him even more angry.

Thanks a lot Rx! :)
The only problem will be to get them both to see a counselor at the same time...

Try to get parents to talk to one another using "I" statements for one !
Also they must agree too keep quite while the other one speaks and listen to what the other one is saying.
I hate to say it but,"Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus" is another idea. Ask them both to either read it together or one at a time. This should help, at least it did for me.
I wish you both luck. Just remember one thing though I beg you !
No matter what happens, it has nothing to do with you and none of it is because of you ! B)

Last edited: Saturday, February 18, 2006 at 1:48:33 PM

I asked my wife what to say to you for advice. She said if your parents unwilling to seek marriage counseling, then you should ask them if they will support you to see a therapist of your own. This is some heavy stuff and there are sensible, understanding and compassionate professionals out there who can be of great help. No need to be ashamed about asking for help.

Lol! Crazy! I think that's the basic concept: they have to be there together to re-open the communication channels.

Often grown-ups are like kids themselves... Sad but true. People start dating casually and next thing they know they're a family! Not everyone is ready for this...

I also come from a divorced family but my parents never argued in front of us.

'Help' often is just to be able to say whatever is on your mind and your heart, to be received in a non-judgemental way by someone open-minded, and then to receive good, pertinent feedbacks.

So very true. It's not about you, it's about them. You're just a witness to an unfortunate turn of events.
Sometimes people finally divorce, and totally change their dynamism for the better in a subsequent relationships. Once a relationship gets patterned, i.e. 'stuck in a rut', it can be very hard to change toward a new pattern with that specific person.

I was just hoping they could wait till I could drive. Or get into college, or something. I feel like I just wan tto go in there with a big chalkboard and write donw everything they say and organize. They seem to have somehwhat of a ADHD aproach to this. All disorganized and the like. They can't seem to stay on topic because the don't want to blame it on them.

My mom and dad are seperated so I kinda know how you feel. Some of the same things were going on with my mom and dad about a year ago.

1. My mom tryed to get my dad to go to couseling.
2. My dad woulden't go.
3. My dad tryed to get my mom to go to counseling also.
4. No dice.
5. "the kids" convinced my mom and dad to just bite the bullet and go together.
6. FINALLY they went, First going seperate for a while and then they went together.
7. Things didnt start going perfect after that, it went about the same.
8. In time, after going to counseling together for a while, things started going a little better.Gradually things started getting a little better....slowly.
9. I cannot comeplete number nine...Because it hasn't happened yet..hopefully it has something to do with getting better.

The point is, no matter how hard it is you NEED to get your parents to go to couseling. It's very hard for them (and anyone) to finally admit they actually need to.

PS: I find, it helps if you dont call it a psychotherapist, Just call him/her by him/her's name.

Sersh