Ok, I saw this in my paper, and then found it on the web. It is frikin hilariouse. Read it all, and pay close attention to how Pitts spell "Nuclear"

***
Ladies and gentlemen, the president

As a public service, I've written a speech for President Bush to use when we invade Iran.

"My fellow Americans:

"Thirty minutes ago, on my command, the United States, leading a coalition of peace-loving nations, began striking targets in Iran. This is the opening stage of a broad and concerted campaign to defend the civilized world from the threat posed by nucular weapons in the hands of a regime known for supporting terror.

"In the spring of 2006, Iran announced that it had, for the first time, enriched uranium, a key process in the production of fuel for nucular reactors and nucular weapons. Iran's president promised that his nation's aims were peaceful. However, the United States has obtained incontrovertible proof that Iran is just days from producing nucular arms.

"I am not unmindful of the skepticism with which this information is regarded by some. They feel that because coalition forces never found the weapons of mass destruction we expected to find in Iraq, we should ignore the grave and gathering threat posed by Iran. My fellow Americans, I reject these assaults on the credibility of our intelligence-gathering operations. The situations are not at all alike.

"Yes, when we invaded Iraq, we were really sure we'd find weapons of mass destruction. But as we invade Iran, we are really, really, really sure. That's three reallys, my fellow Americans -- two more than before.

"Indeed, we are guided by the greatest preponderance of intelligence in history. And I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I'm going to declassify it and share it with you so you'll know we're not making this up. I mean, we've intercepted e-mails from the Iranian president asking his defense minister when the nucular weapons will be ready. The defense minister replies, 'Tuesday.' And the president types in, 'lol' -- that's a code they use on the Internets for laughing out loud -- and he says, 'Boy, we really fooled 'em, didn't we? The Great Satan will never know what hit it.'

" 'Great Satan.' That's their name for you and me, my fellow Americans. There's more proof, too. We have photographs of the nucular weapons taken by a janitor with a tiny digital camera in his turban. Now, I'm not going to mention what shift he works, because we have to protect his identity. No telling what they'd do to him if they found out he was spying for the CIA.

"We also know the address where the weapons are being kept. It's at 1367 Prophet Muhammad Blessings On His Name Blvd. NE, just south of Death to Israel Circle. We even ran it through Mapquest, so we know exactly how to get there. See, we've done our homework on this thing.

"So it serves no useful purpose for people to suggest that American credibility was damaged because of a few understandable mistakes in Iraq. Iraq and Iran are different countries. That's why they're spelled different. Yet we keep reading all these negative stories quoting members of Congress, Army generals, plumbers, teachers and nurses, all asking if we know what we're doing this time. What's even worse is the stories quoting unnamed White House sources. And I wish the first lady would cut it out.

"Such questions only embolden the enemy and insult our brave coalition partners -- Monaco and Liechtenstein.

"It's my job to make the tough decisions necessary to protect the American people. And you can't protect the American people by having a pre-9/11 mentality in a post-9/11 world. It just won't work. Anybody tells you it will, they're disassembling. That means they're lying.

"The bottom line is, an enemy that hates us and our way of life is about to acquire nucular weapons. We cannot allow that to happen.

"Yes, I know some of you are skeptical. You're just going to have trust us."

Leonard Pitts Jr. Is a columnist for The Miami Herald. Readers can write to him by e-mail at lpitts@miamiherald.com.

So did I. That column was amazing. XD

BRAVO, it was BEAUTIFUL! It brought TEARS to my eyes. These eyes, these eyes that hath not shed but a tear in so long! XD BRAVO, BRAVO!

Ohh yeah, you guys should also read Dilbert and Opus , both beaut-ihh-full on the same scale as Mr. Pitt's column! :P

Yeah, those were really funny.
"This should take care of your ADHD, OCD, BADD, sloppy homework disorder, adolescent obnoxious disorder, hugging deficit disorder, clarinet lesson panic disorder, anti-broccoli barfing hysteria disorder, bad grades, bad pants, general disorder and zits." XD